This is what my weekend looked like. This is what the entire month of June may end up looking like! Good Lord a person can accumulate a bunch of stuff! I thought I would have a yard sale when all was said and done but I've decided I'm just going to donate to "goodwill" that which can be recycled and toss the rest into the "hopper." The end.
I am still not at ease moving away from my grandsons, I'm trying but it's not getting any easier. I feel somewhat selfish making this move because it is for me and me alone. Granted, I am bringing my boys along, only one of which has to go (he's 15 yrs. old), the other two have decided to come along on their own but this move is simply to make my life easier, less stressful. I need a place of peace, a slower pace so that I can tap into all of the energy necessary to beat this cancer - again. It almost killed me the last go 'round and I have to be on my toes. I know this. In the meantime I have children and grandchildren to think of and I suppose what upsets me the most is the fact that I feel like for the first time in their lives I'm putting myself before my children but I'm not really, that wasn't my intent. I just have to get better so I can continue tending to them, being with them.. I hope one day they understand.
When I became "MiMi" I made a promise to myself to never do to my grandchildren what I watched my Mother doing to hers. "Don't sit there, don't touch that, come back in here, don't go in that room, stay inside, stay out of the kitchen, I'll get it.." Etc., etc. My Mother was not your typical "warm fuzzy" Grandma and as a result neither my children, nor my nieces and nephews ever enjoyed their visit to Grandma's and went only to see their Papa. My Mother had/has favorites - one of her grandson's and his children, period. She's really not interested in anyone else. My nephew is aware that he is singled out/favored and he doesn't like it. He doesn't want to put a wedge between himself, his brothers and his cousins, and there isn't one. His brothers and cousins are okay with it. They know how Grandma is and they're fine with it. Since their Papa (my Dad) passed away she hasn't had many visitors and now complains that she has been put on the back burner. Interestingly enough where she has put everyone else..
In any event, I vowed not to be that kind of Grandma and I'm not but my grandson is now to the age where is knows basic right from wrong and I'm trying to teach him what is acceptable in "MiMi's" home versus what is not. I am teaching with love but am having difficulty with disciplining him when he does not behave appropriately, i.e., throwing food to the dog, getting into "MiMi's" jewelry, etc. My son has a time out chair for my grandson but I am reluctant to use it.
Just wondering if anyone else faces this issue. I welcome and am open to all suggestions, so fire away!
Very shortly I will be moving 4 hours away from both of my grandsons. Inside I feel like I am moving to the moon. Any suggestions and/or advice as to how to deal with "grandchildren withdrawal?"
Today I was blessed to be able to spend some time with my daughter Erica and her lit'l boy Aidan. What a wonderful time we had playing and talking and exploring around outside. Erica and Aidan both are such joys to be around, always up beat, happy and playful. I don't get as much "MiMi" time with Aidan as I do with my other grandson, due to visitation and custody issues (Aidan was born of our hearts, my daughter's fiance' brought him into the family), so I really cherish our time together. Today was a gift, perfect in every way.
Aidan discovering a "secret passageway" thru the flowering bushes... I have no idea what this bush is called? Any gardeners out there care to enlighten me? I would love to know!
Can I just say that to date, I have not had to call 911 because my grown son has not cleaned his room! (Knock wood?)
POSTED: Monday, May 18, 2009
UPDATED: 7:50 pm EDT May 18, 2009
BEDFORD, Ohio -- An Ohio man who argued with his grown son over a messy bedroom said he overreacted when he called 911.
Andrew Mizsak called authorities Thursday after his 28-year-old son -- who's a school board member in the Cleveland suburb of Bedford -- threw a plate of food across the kitchen table and made a fist at him when told to clean his room.
The son, also named Andrew, lives in a room in his parents' basement.
The father declined to press charges and told police he doesn't want to ruin his son's political career.
The son, who also works as a political consultant, said he's lucky to be living in the house rent free. He also promises to keep his room clean.
I had no idea there was a name for adult children who move home but apparently there is. Adult children moving home are called "Boomerang Kids."
It's interesting to note that under 8 percent of adult children ages 25 to 34 lived with parents in 1970. Today that percentage is roughly 12%. The culprit? The declining economy. Couple the economy with student loans and high credit card debt, marriage and children and you've got your "Boomerang Kid."
I, myself have a "Boomeranger" and living in a state with a 12.6% unemployment rate, I may have him for quite some time. Looking and/or moving out of state for employment is not an option for my "Boomeranger" as his child is here. What to do, what to do??
I am fortunate that our family dynamic is such that we all - I still have 2 teens at home - get along quite well for the most part. We have our squabbles from time to time, who doesn't?
The whole experience has been and continues to be an enlightening one for me. For example, I never thought of myself as being a strict parent or a dictator when it came to manners but I've learned from watching my son with his son and I often find myself laughing at my son for being so anal about "time outs" for inappropriate behavior and manners. I told my son that he really needed to lighten up, it really is not a big deal if his son throws his food to the floor for the dog or if his son decides that the bathtub is his very own pirate ship and he splashes water all over the bathroom floor. "It can be mopped up," I say, "he's having fun." My son in turn tells me, "Mom this is the same way you raised us. We never got away with this." Really? I had to ponder that for a time. I was a single Mom and my memories are of all the fun we had. Was I really that anal with my own children? I had to call my daughter who has a 2 yr. old son (step) herself. Was she too a stickler for manners and appropriate behavior?? The answer was yes and yes! I was anal and I have passed this on to my children! I'm not altogether sure how I feel about this. It was a completely different set of circumstances for me. At the time I remember thinking, my children and I will not be the stereotypical single Mom family. My children will not be a statistic. They will be honor students - and they were. They will have manners at home and in public - and they did. They will have respect for self and others - and they did. They will have fresh haircuts, beautiful teeth, new clothes (not brand name but brand new), they will be sparkling clean.. And they were. They will exceed all expectations, including the ones I had set forth. - And they have. They will know above all else, that their Mom loves them unconditionally and forever and always will... And they do.
Please know, there was a method to my madness.
When I was a single Mom I didn't have the support from my parents. In fact my Mother told me, and I quote, "I raised my 7 now you raise yours." End quote. In my mind, at the time, I thought I had to be thorough and consistent with the upbringing of my children, love and discipline in equal measure.. Not necessarily anal, that wasn't my goal. I was all they had and they were all I had. I could not fail them. I would not fail them. I would not fail. I was one tough cookie to be sure. I ruled with an iron fist in a velvet glove but again, I felt I had to. There was one of me and four of them and a whole wide world out there waiting and anticipating our failure. Tempting my children to stray. It wasn't going to happen. Not on my watch. And it didn't...
Now about that "Boomerang Kid" of mine... I suppose it's time to have an adult conversation with my adult child(ren)... Time to dissolve the "anal gene" chain of self abuse..
Any suggestions????
SOCK IT TO ME BABY!!!!!!!
Connie Stevens is a "Groovy Gram" to one grandson!
"Groovy Gram," Dame Elizabeth Taylor has 10 grandchildren and 1 great-grandchild!
"Groovy Gram" Debbie Reynolds has one BEAUTIFUL grand-daughter named Billie!
And funny, funny "Groovy Gram," Cloris Leachman has 6 grandchildren and 1 great-grandchild!
As a grandparent having your grown children, with your grandchildren in tow, move back home, is like a rebirth of your own life, altho given a choice I'm quite certain that this isn't the part of life that most of us would choose to be reborn. I'd like to have a rebirth of my "B.C" years, "before children." Grown children moving home with their children comes in a close second tho. (Insert sarcasm here...)
The move-in was seamless. Beds were moved, rooms rearranged, boxes in and to the basement, laundry in and to the laundry room. All was right with the world and stayed that way for about.... One whole day. Boy did I have alot to learn!
Eventually you get used to a 2 yr. old bursting into your room in the mornings, jumping on your back (stomach, legs, arms, head) shouting at the top of his lungs, "MiMi, wake up MiMi, I'm hungry!" Now I even look forward to it and if it doesn't happen? Well of course I go "in search of" to find out why it hasn't. Talk about chasing the snake that bites you... What I don't think you get used to is stepping on Matchbox cars strewn about the hallway leading into the kitchen. I don't think you ever get used to that. Nor do you get used to setting a box of cereal on the counter, turning to the other cabinet to retrieve a bowl, only to hear, in the split second it took for you to reach over and open a cabinet, the swish of a box full of cereal spilling to the floor, followed by, "I sorry MiMi, I clean up." But I'm getting better.
What I do find comforting is that the core of who your children are, their spirit, the people you raised them to be, doesn't change much. The morals and values you instilled in them remain, as do most of the manners. You recognize your child as a good person, a person you not only love but also like. However... Just as the morals, values and manners remain, so does their absolute disregard for keeping a clean room, their inability to sort their laundry or rinse their dishes before putting them in the dishwasher - if they make it out of the kitchen sink! If they ever make it to the sink! - The wet bath towels remain on the floor in the bathroom and you feel a little silly reminding your son, a grown man with a child of his own, to pick up after himself, and yet, just as when he was younger, you do it anyway and the answer remains the same.... "Oh I forgot..."
The conversations are better. They've clearly expanded their horizons - to a degree - and you feel as tho you're actually having a conversation with a grown up. You're amazed at how much they know as young as they are and you wonder how and when they became so knowledgeable. You enjoy spending time with them and can't remember when you laughed so much. It makes you feel good, it warms you. You forget about the laundry and towels and unrinsed dishes and focus on how wonderful it is to have your grown child back "home" again.
You also forget what it is like to take a bath or shower alone and remember the selective hearing of your children... And despite the rather loud, announcement throughout the land, of your intent to jump in the shower or take a nice, hot, relaxing bath, somehow you find yourself running for cover under the bubbles and/or making a make shift robe out of your shower curtain because again, you find yourself at the mercy of a 2 yr. old little boy shouting, "Hi MiMi, whatchya' doin?!" I am certain I spoke loud enough for the citizens of China to hear, you think to yourself, how in the world did my GROWN son not hear me??? You discover of course, as in days of old, your GROWN son did not hear you because he was too busy battling his teenage brothers, who also have selective hearing, in.... Surprise.... A video game!
I don't know coined the phrase, "The more things change, the more they stay the same," but whoever it was must've had grown children who moved back home!
This is not exactly the fairy tale I had mapped out for my life. It's not exactly the way I had envisioned life in my 40's... The white sand, the ocean waves and the cabana boy bringing me endless fruity drinks, are all missing. However, this is my life and for all of it's ups and downs, I LOVE it and to be honest, I wouldn't change a thing.. Well, I almost wouldn't change a thing... The cabana boy with the fruity drinks? That would be nice....
This week I'm supervising potty training... Any suggestions?
Hhhmmm, now where is that boy with my drink?
Happy Mother's Day to all of you Groovy Grams out there!!!! Enjoy your day!!!!!
I became a MiMi in Oct. 06', in fact, just 3 days after being diagnosed with cancer.
Knowing my grandson was on his way I kept my diagnosis between my sister and myself. I was adamant about not taking away from my son, daughter-in-law and my grandson's day. No one was going to rain on their parade, least of all me!
Needless-to-say, one look into the angelic face of my grandson gave me yet another reason to fight the fight of my life. I not only needed to be here for my children, I had to be here for my grandson! I was determined that this little boy would know his Grandma!
Fast forward two and a half years and life is grand! I am now officially "MiMi" to two precious little boys! Seth, born to my son that incredible October in 2006 and Aidan, born of my heart when my daughter became engaged to a wonderful man who brought another grandson to me!
I am still battling the cancer but every day I grow stronger and more determined than ever to be here for my children and my grandchildren!
I have been and I continue to be, blessed...
Come, sit down, enjoy a cup of tea on a quiet afternoon (if you have one!) And share your stories.
Unfortunately my brothers and sisters and I never had the opportunity to meet our Grandma Ruthie, she passed away when she was 35 yrs. old. She left behind 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls, and a husband who loved her with a passion so deep that when the love of his life died he took all that was hers and he burned it, including any and all photos. My Grandfather wanted no reminders. The pain was too deep for him. I often wondered as I got older how he felt being surrounded by the 4 reminders that his Ruthie had unwillingly left behind.
All our lives we loved this woman of mystery. We clung to the tiny bits and pieces of memories strewn about our lives in quiet conversation between our Grandfather and our Dad or our Dad and our Aunts and Uncles, and still we knew very little... They knew very little.
Our Father was only 5 yrs. old when his Momma had passed. He remembered her as kind, loving and he remembered that she laughed a lot. He remembered that she was pretty, tall, had long, dark, wavy hair and that she and his Dad, despite their height difference, Grandma Ruthie was 5'10", Grandpa only 5'7", loved to dance. He remembered that it was his brother and sisters job to roll the livingroom carpet back and that it was his job, as a baby boy of 3 and 4, to crank the record player to spin the records. In later years our Father would cry telling this story... He said he was so little and his arms would get so tired cranking that old record player but he said, "we loved to watch them dance."
We loved and missed our Grandma Ruthie all of our lives but our Father loved her and missed her so much more... And as he neared the end of his he said, as he lay in his hospital bed dying, "Take my shoes off, my brother Joe is coming to get me, he's taking me to see my Mom and Dad."
I would've given anything to see my Father run into the open, waiting, loving arms of his Momma after all these many years. His Momma, our Grandma Ruthie... We all loved her, we love her still...
This was Grandma Ruthie n' Grandpa's song. Enjoy.
I thought that since this blog is about Groovy Grams I would start by introducing my own Grandma and the life lessons she taught me.
My maternal Grandma was a very petite, blond, blue eyed beauty standing all of 4'11" tall. Her genealogy traces back to the kings and queens of England and Scotland and the subsequent generations that arrived via the "Mayflower." My Grandma's immediate roots however were in the southern United States. She was one of 8 children born in Delwood, Illinois. Both of her parents had passed away by the time she was 12 yrs. old. At that time my Grandma would live house to house of her older brothers and sisters, wherever and whenever she was needed, i.e., a new birth or housekeeping.
My Grandma married for the first time at the age of 16 and had 3 children. It was an abusive relationship and when my Grandma went to the dr. in labor with her 3rd child, her dr. then advised her to leave her husband. - The doctor had never delivered a child who's Mother had the imprint of a work boot on their lower back. - My Grandma took his advise, albeit 4 years later and left town, walking, with her two daughters and one suitcase. Unfortunately she was forced to leave her only son behind with her husband. Her only son would drown 5 yrs. later at the age of 9.
My Grandma eventually moved to Michigan to find work leaving her two daughters behind with friends of the family. As soon as my Grandma found work and a suitable home for her daughters, she sent for them.
My Grandma married for the 2nd time when she was 29 yrs. old. This too was an abusive relationship, a divorce soon followed only to have a remarriage to the same man only 5 years later and again, a divorce. Another marriage, another divorce and finally her last marriage which lasted to her death.
An interesting note here: In between the multiple marriages and divorces there was an engagement to one of the Dodge brothers, yes, the automotive company family of Dodge but my Grandma in her infinite wisdom, broke off the engagement stating her "beloved" was crazy, she walked away from it all and kept the engagement ring. As it turned out that same Dodge brother became engaged to another woman, took her out on his boat and tried to kill her and himself by setting the boat aflame. My Grandma used her engagement ring to buy her first home and open up her first of two restaurants.
My Grandma was a single Mom when it was practically unheard of unless your husband happened to die. She supported herself and her two daughters working in a local funeral home and the GM office before becoming completely self sufficient and independent with the opening of her restaurants. My Grandma had a house on the lake and the first television in the neighborhood. Not bad for a single Mom back in the day.
My fondest memories of my Grandma are the elaborate meals - feasts - she would prepare for the holidays with all the family gathered round. She was an amazing cook. She had the best toy box behind her recliner and we never sat on a sofa or a couch, it was the "davenport."
Words to live by from Grandma Micki:
"If you can't find a man with a million dollars, find a million men with a dollar a piece."
***I would love to hear your memories about your Grandparents! Please share!***
This site is all about the joys and sometime sorrows of grandparenting.
Please stop in and share your grandparenting experience and words of wisdom.
I would love to hear from you!
And just remember, we are all Groovy Grams!
